Are we really what we are?

Hi to all!!!

This time...though original, i want to put up an article that i wrote sometime back for the college magazine but the board dint find it substantial enuf to publish.... :-)

No worries!!! Its here now:

Why are mad people called just that - “mad”, ever thought of it? No! I am not accusing you. Even I myself didn’t, until sometime now. Anyways, the answer is, according to me, too controversial. Actually what I feel is, mad people are ‘mad’ because they have no inhibitions.

The “sane” world is, we can call, a bunch of people trying to confirm to the society-led norms. Therefore, experiencing (read showcasing) extreme fear, anxiety, pleasure or any emotion is out of question. What they do all the time is to present themselves as a composed personality, no matter how hollow they are from within.

This remembers me of Charlie (the escapist, remember?), the central character of the first chapter of class 12 English course book (Vistas) - “The Third Level”. “Sane” people like him are the ones who, fed up with the monotony of life, seek new avenues, even if it means thinking ‘out of the box’ or…….being called “mad”.

In class 12, though, the chapter merely held any importance except as a medium for fetching marks. But now, I see its relevance.

Another funny, yet notable thing that’s worth mentioning here is the “Pagalpanti bhi zaroori hai” ad campaign. I mean, how truly and honestly and of course, successfully these people have come up with an idea such as this! Kudos!!

Ok. Coming back to the main point, the society is gradually getting converted into a kind of…..mmmm…….machine, if I can put it this way. I mean, if I don’t feel like saying “excuse me” if I sneeze, then will the people out there hang me? Or, if a colleague of mine irritates me endlessly, why can’t I just shout back at him/her and stop the torture for once and for all??!!!

The problem is we put in so much of effort in showcasing ourselves as someone who the world wants to see as, and not what we actually are.

In the process of complying with the protocols, we miss out on our inclination, what we want to be.

The other day, I came across a father-son duo, on a verge of fight, where the son insisted on being a painter (the one who paints on canvas, and not walls!!). The father had this to say – “Fine. You want to paint. But, what do you want to do in life?” ahem! No comments on that.

Does only being a manager, or a doctor, teacher, scientist (and the list never ends…..) mean something to do???

But as it is, all these talks make sense only on this sheet of paper. If we go around talking about our “inclination”, we’ll be called MAD! So, watch out!

Har kisi ko mukkammal jahan nahi milta, kahin pe zameen to kahin aasmaan nahi milta;
Saans lene ko jeena kahe to hum jeete zarur hain, bas har saans me Khuda nahi milta…

Hi to all..
I beg your pardon for the pathetic line that I added to the amazing first line…

U know, sometimes…..sometimes when you make the balance-sheet of ur life, even when the liabilities equal the assests, u feel something major lacks. A void is born…
Today, the same void is born within me and with every minute passing, it grows wider and deeper. I, technically, should not have any reason to feel the blues. I am what I wanted to be. I am what others aspire to be. But, I am not at peace with myself. I even don’t know what is it that’s upsetting my soul or at what time did it all begin…
I have been doubting my cerebral parts even more since I read the article about a girl, around 23, a native of Bangalore, who suffered from this acute ailment (I’ve absolutely forgotten the name). She, at times, would be the most happiest and chirpy, with/without any reason. And the other times, she had to be pulled out of a serious depression by her parents. This became news when this year, on New Year’s Eve, she persisted on going to goa alone to bring in the New Year, and in a fit of over-happiness died of over consumption of drugs…
Though mine is not that extreme a case, still I feel that I am inching towards it with every day passing. I don’t know. Sometimes, a certain situation that made me happy would, at some other time, infuriate me. This happens with me a lot!!! Seems like people don’t interest me for long. I knew very well that I m not a people’s person. But that I am this big an escapist, I dint know. I find it sad, but not surprising.
Many times I think of dying a graceful death. But then, the notion of it brings goosebumps to me. And then, if I read a book that’s based on a theme like “Death-the ultimate and the only truth of life”, I see it in an altogether different light. I believe that I would die peacefully and that I would accept with open arms.
My idea wasn’t to write anything about dying or death. Sorry. The point was, my mind catches a gamut of frequencies, all as different from each other as Obama and Bush. And some are deadly too. And…this leaves me acting impulsively to situations that required utter calmness and maturity to be handled. Because then, everything comes down to a very micro level. To me, what all is visible is just the fact that the other person has made me extremely happy/ sad and now, he/she is a friend/foe for life.
What can be a better example of my insanity than the fact that as I have come to the end of this post, my mood has swayed from VERY negative to VERy negative to VEry negative to Very negative to negative to just normal…..
God help me…

For the first time, I don’t want to let the mystery remain…

m luvin it...

Of late, I haven’t been writing much,

Whenever I m down, I write, the trend has been such.

Last year had me scribbling down the maximum poems so far,

Was I melancholy, was I sad, was life a bit ajar?

I learnt a lot, if I am to summarize about the last year,

I overcame a miserable break-up, came out of every restriction, every fear.

Suddenly, life has taken a beautiful turn,

There is so much more to it than what I thought, I did learn.

Discovering my two ‘FRIENDS FOREVER’ has been the biggest success,

No more wasting away time in useless emotions on useless people, finally I’ve been able to come out of the big mess!!!

I wish life remains the way it is now,

But life, as it is, will never be the same, no matter what or how.

I only wish to have a nicer tomorrow, if the today was nice,

I have, finally, started relishing from the big cake, my share of slice.

Today, here I am, writing yet another one of its kind,

Not coz I am sad or melancholy, but because I am happy this time…

The "Wanderer" called ME....

Hi to all!!
This time, the reason for my prolonged absence (yet again) is different and not-so-usual. I have been too busy visiting new places and being out of town (and out of state too! Fuh!) to keep this space updated. And as I always maintain, every aam-aadmi is special in a unique way, I also have been experiencing a sea of emotions - joys, disappointments, let-downs, sudden rush of blood in my cheeks, the anticipation of what the next morning might bring, waking up in a different atmosphere among different people and then realizing m far….far away from home. It’s all been good so far. I have learnt a lot. The past month seems to have added more than a couple of years to my age.

The ‘Mood Indigo’ Bombay trip
My first ever ‘college’ trip. I say ‘college’ because officially and technically, I was supposed to represent my college in some or the other competition. Though I hardly intended to do that…(and I say that off records here!!). All we 9 did was…explore the city as much as we could. The trip made me realize that I, too, can be a responsible creature whenever it is required of me. (I wish my mum could see me, only through the detective eye, in those 8 days.)
Secondly, m amazed at how some people in the group turned out so unexpectedly wonderful and amazing!! Now I seriously hope to hold on to those wonderful ties I developed with them…..
And, I always supposed that I needed a sumptuous sleep of 10 hrs.a day. This trip opened my eyes to the fact that I can still manage to be in my senses after keeping awake for 3 whole days with a lil sleep of less than 10 hrs in total! I luved the fact that at any and all points of time, I was surrounded with people of my age, with whom I could relate myself to, people who knew the challenges and opportunities that our world is full of.
The only things we did were…..we ate, we walked around, commuting thru locals, we shared secrets, we played, and that’s how we were throughout the 8 day excursion.
And yes! How can I forget mentioning the 22nd of December!! When ur best frnd, for no specific reason, decides to travel more than a 1000kms. just because u had said that u felt alone in the strange city, and decides to take a 1 day trip, traveling by air, for the first time, all by himself, without letting his parents know, and spending more than double of what u would spend in 8 days in a single day for that…….(sigh!) u can not afford to forget to mention it!!
So, I really was looking forward to his arrival. And when the day arrived, all the anticipation, kind of, vanished. I could smell something fishy but I wanted to believe that he is upto it out of the love for his dearest frnd. Well, I wanted to keep it light. And when we decided upon a common place to go, I led the way (since I was familiar to the cities by 2 days. And so, I knew which route to take! I luved leading a guy especially when it came to the routes… girls aren’t their best when it comes to something like this.). Nyways, we had a wonderful time. ‘Wonderful’ would be a small and incomplete word to describe that day. And unfortunately, as every good thing eventually has to come to an end, so did his trip to Mumbai. He, with utmost chivalry, dropped me to the place where I joined the rest of my group and he himself headed for the airport…. I still can not come to terms with the fact that my “bholu” took such big step just to ensure that his frnd was fine…….I was fine. God Bless Him!
Those were the 8 days of complete freedom and fun. Time was ours, we weren’t answerable to anyone. It was OH JUST SO AWESUM!!! In a room to accommodate 2 hosteliers, 6 could be accommodated on a temporary basis, while we were 9 girls stuffed in one poor room. I say poor becoz, very obviously, by the tym 8th day approached; the room’s condition was dismal.

Lifelong experience at Darbar Sahib
I had, virtually, not even unpacked my bags completely after returning from Bombay, that I saw myself heading towards Amritsar, the land famous for ‘amritsari kulche’. So, with the sweet memories of the recent trip still afresh in my mind and soul, I prepared myself to assimilate even sweeter and fond memories of the anticipated trip. This one was with my family (excluding my bro, as usual…..whenever there is a full-family gathering, he prefers to go invisible) and my aunt’s. It was an experience that m gna cherish throughout my life. Without ny offenses to the religion to which I “supposedly” belong, Hinduism, I REALLY found Sikhism very fascinating, enduring and clean. Consider it our luck; we visited the pious pilgrimage on the eve of Gurupurab. And it was so grandly decorated, just like a bride on her wedding day. It was a treat to stand still and absorb the beauty around the place. The entrance was the most usual one, nothing grand or special about it. But once u were in, there was a diffrnt ambience altogether. Everything was well-organized and fresh. As soon as I entered the main premises (sorry I don’t know xactly wat it’s called), I knew I was gna fall in luv wid the place. And so I did! Earlier, I was indifferent to all religions and the way they are conducted. But now, after this eye-opening visit, I m sure I have started developing faith towards Sikhism. The interpretation of wat I just declared is very subjective. But, I just said what I know I feel. Everything, there, was soothing to the nerves. The mellow hymns melted in the soul and even when I could not make out the lyrics exactly, I enjoyed and hummed them all the while. The near 0 degree temperature too, for once, lost its affect on me as I walked barefoot along the sarovar and the main darbar, mesmerized.
I, while being all-good to Darbar Sahib, almost forgot to mention Jallianwala Bagh, famous for the massacre that happened in 1918… As I entered the historic and no less tragic place, a chill ran thru me. I felt that the land where I was standing, some 90 years back, witnessed the gunning down of more than 2000 innocent souls. Then, no one was a muslim, or hindu, or sikh. Everyone was an Indian and with that feeling had they gathered peacefully at the bagh. A stone pyramid, of about a feet read “Bullets were fired from here” and from the entrance, to the right of the pyramid, lit the “Amar Jyoti”, in remembrance of the departed. There too, in a font bigger than that of “Amar Jyoti”, a circular board read “Indian Oil Corporation”, the company that sponsors the oil used in the lamp. Commercialization at its peak, I guess…
And what annoyed me is the fact that the bagh has been completely modified and it rather looked more like a picnic spot than a heritage site. This pissed me off big tym. Tourists and interested ppl like us travel this much just to see a couple of bullet marks (actually 28 of them), a well (actually, ‘The’ well), some boards that tell the history of the bagh. I would anytym prefer the original, rusty bagh instead of the new, fancy hang-out place. But I guess the government had its reasons for taking such action.

If I had it my way, I would never stop talking about Bombay and Amritsar… But, everything looks appropriate and good if it stays in the limits. And so, without saying anything else, I’d let u think wat m upto ;-)
See u soon…….till then, as I say…….Let the mystery remain!!!

Saying "I DO"

My phone flashed “Neha Kanpur”. At first, I was convinced that it could not be her and that my phone, yet again, has gone mad…. (with Samsung, u cant really be sure!) However, carefully and with a mind making out all the possible reasons for her call, I slid the slider up and started talking. At first, it was the same how-u-doing and how-is-everyone and kabi-to-yaad-kar-lia-kar….Then she came out with the reason as to why had she called….
Her eldest brother, eldest of the 4 siblings, just got engaged. Disclosing the reason for the call here might sound just plain and flat, but trust me, at that time, it was enough for me to dance barefoot on the icy floor that the marble becomes on a mid-December night. I know marriage happens to almost everyone of us. And that it’s no big deal. Almost daily, many hundreds of people get tied in the nuptial bliss (only to discover later that it was not just that…..a bliss..). But this news from my long-parted friend infused a great deal of ecstasy and excitement in me. I have always fancied celebrations. Real celebrations. I like to admire houses adorned with beautiful lightings and decorations on the eve of such big events, be it a wedding or Diwali or Gurupurab. These houses radiate such positivity and joy that it is just impossible to escape without being untouched. If such is the thrill of just witnessing the whole activity, one can not even imagine the whirlpool going on inside the “would-be”s’ hearts….. That suddenly from one “guddu” or “pinki”, they become the reason for people to swarm from even far off places just to shower blessings on the newly wed. The whole idea is just too indescribable in words. All you got to do is wake up to a house full of ceaselessly chatting aunties, uncles busy in arranging for things (the sight of uncles with grave looks arranging for things like DJs and “ladies sangeet” surely takes you to a different world altogether. You seriously can not imagine that this serious lot can also think about raising the fun quotient of the do!!). One peculiar thing about the whole scene would be- irrespective of the culture, location or people, we will always find some common groups of people having the time of their lives at the wedding. A couple of them as I said, aunties and uncles. Then there would be kids, boys and girls, of 7-14 yrs. who would be found running around, disturbing their parents or elder ones, or some buried in the mobile phones games borrowed from their dads (elder siblings are not very likely to give their hand-phones to them…!!) .Then there would be the elder lot. The girls, usually discussing their dresses, guys, or some sulking about how bad their hair look, some complaining about the dark circles around their eyes while the others explaining the great invention called “concealer” to them. While the elder guys would either be busy lending a helping hand to the uncles or catching up with the girls. All this and much more happen for the big night. Actually, what interests me is not the final day, but the course of reaching that beautiful day. So much of effort and time goes into making that one night perfect. And trust me, with all the kith and kin around, life seems no less than a celebration. Once you get over with it and start your life as it was before, you miss all the fun and the laziness that you were allowed to be with. You miss the celebration. But we console ourselves by saying that if everyday life becomes a celebration, then the word “celebration” would no longer hold its importance, it would become a monotony. So, all that happens, happens for good.
Coming back to Neha k bhai ki shaadi……m really looking forward to having a gala time at her bro’s wedding. And which category do I fall in, u must hav already guessed…. :->
Lets see what is in store for me.....and the big day....
till then......as i say........Let the mystery remain...

The frustrated yet happy me..... :-)

Hi to all!!

This phase of my life is called the “running away” phase. Every person gets paid for the good/bad he does while he is still alive…. Even I am.

When it comes to him, I am left speechless. Here, wordless. Not because I cant find words to describe how wonderful a person he is, but just the exact opposite. I don’t want to malign his already-dead image publicly, but then this is my fortè! (not abusing people! But to write in such words that might put one to shame). So, here I am.

Looking back now, I feel pity of myself. How on earth did I fall for such a brat!! Of all the people……y him??? I guess, that’s one thing that m gna take to my grave…….

Now the scene is absolutely crazy!!! I, at one point, laugh out the whole issue…..and at the same time, feel like banging my head against the hardest of the walls…. I, speaking from heart of the hearts, have never ever come across such a disgusting personality. M sorry to say this. But, I feel sad for the poor guy. He is not even worth my pity.

Like the typical Devdas, he has befriended the two most easily-accessible things in the world (actually, he has been friends with the two for long. I just gave him an excuse to intensify his bond with them.).

While I am still writing this post, I have suddenly started sympathizing with him. He needs to be rescued. He needs a treatment. I’ll tell u why.

He, as late as 12 in the night, rings me up just to check if I am on call with any other person (whenever I am, he assumes it’s the new guy in my life. And he has been completely replaced….duh!!). even I am an adamant soul. M not gna change my contact number. Let him know. But, the worst thing is, its sickening to keep hearing toon-toon while ur on sm call. And when the call happens to be ur boss’, trust me, u feel like either smashing ur bechaara phone to the ground (that I never do!) or start writing something to take ur frustration out (trust me that helps!!! As it is helping now….. ;->) on a much serious note, I’ve been trying to put him at the place to which he has always belonged. The black list. But, even the Vodafone customer care is not much help.

Thinking of the things happening to me, I think I must have been at my worst in some distant past. But when I come to think of the support that I have, I feel I have not been that bad too. Otherwise, why would a person, in the middle of his work, spare his time and arrange for the number to be blocked?? And why would a person, who is himself preoccupied with meeting the deadlines, take his time out to look into the silly matter (it IS a silly matter!!) as if it was his own...??? We do have humanity at play here. Again….thanx, lambu!

Coming back to what I was mentioning……

He must be glad. He is getting attention, one thing that he is always in need of. Otherwise, who would write a complete post dedicated to him at midnight!!! Oh! Crazy me!!

Now, I hope that the steps I’ve thought of(and have been suggested too) work out well. And I am able to keep him at bay, like, for the rest of my life.(m not gna settle for anything less than that.)

He has already been much pain in the ***. Bhagwaan use budhhi de…..

That’s it for now……see you next time around (hopefully with a positive news!!). till then….as I say…..let the mystery remain!!! J

Here I am...

Hi to all....

I know its time i give an explanation for my unusually long disappearance.... Well....all nice things come for a cost. This is no exception. I was so happy the day i created this blog. And then, everything fell apart....(read "fell in place")

Now i whole-heartedly accept that m a complex person (not biologically.....duh!).

The only reason i stayed away from "i-me-myself" is simple and it is...I didnt feel like writing a post. And the thing thats not compulsory, never happens.......

So, finally, HERE I AM.....this time, determined to be an active soul..... [:)]

And all this is because of a certain somebody who believes in me, whose 'never-say-die' attitude inspired me to reopen my almost dead blog and work upon it.....Thank You.....lambu!

And! the news is..... i am a normal human being with normal daily schedule. I attend college, study(rarely...), write exams (man! i'v never been more scared of them!!) and everything...

But here is the catch....while going through all the normal routine stuff, i realize the complexity of the person that I am.....all thanks to the "wonderful" genes that i've been blessed with.

I know all this doesnt make any sense to you. It will.....eventually, it will make complete sense.

As of now, I want to sign off with just one line....It is said- If u have love in ur life,it can make up for a great many things u lack. If you dont have it, no matter what else is there....its not enough...

See you next time around.....till then, as I say..... Let the mystery remain!!!!....